...I was told a little of what happened. A tree, and...fighting to purify it. But fighting people you knew...and erasing their memories. Is that right?
[...She reaches for her now, but with a light, light touch to the back of the hand.]
You shouldn't blame yourself for that. And I understand...knowing that you should be stopped. I wish I was, in that place I went to. But it doesn't change...who you are.
[That's the horrible thing - she can't argue with that. It seems like anyone here could become a murderer. Anyone could be driven towards impulses. Anyone could turn into...that.]
[Her hands grip into fists on her lap.]
Even so...it doesn't mean you should accept that its who you are. I won't accept it. If this place makes you a monster, it doesn't mean that's who you really are.
I killed Kumon's brother. I helped to kill Garou's mentor, and an old man Marceline knew. And then, I killed Kumon. I bashed in his head. And I didn't turn into anything. In the end, I was just me. Overwhelmed by emotions, out of control, but I was me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[She's stony-faced as ever.]
Do you need anything?
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[she looks to where hot pants is sitting.]
...did you stay?
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A lot of people were hurt. I want to make sure they get what they need.
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I know I do.
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[She's glad for that.]
...I was told a little of what happened. A tree, and...fighting to purify it. But fighting people you knew...and erasing their memories. Is that right?
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Itsuki didn't mention that. [She's...looking over at her, concerned.] Su...
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[she looks down at her hands]
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[...]
It isn't you, Su.
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["tried"...]
I didn't succeed. But as a result, they have blood on their hands that they shouldn't have. No matter how it turned out, they were going to get hurt.
But... they were only defending themselves. I wasn't in my right mind at all.
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You shouldn't blame yourself for that. And I understand...knowing that you should be stopped. I wish I was, in that place I went to. But it doesn't change...who you are.
You're not a monster.
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...it's what that place wanted me to be.
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You were not the one who wanted to hurt the rest.
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[...]
I am being literal. It changed me, physically, into a monster.
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I'm sorry, Su. That must have been horrifying.
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[her gaze stays on her hands.]
I can't help but wonder if it might happen again.
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...Why in the world would it happen again? Why do you think that?
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If I become a monster again tonight, and try to hurt someone...
[it IS a thursday, after all...]
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[Her hands grip into fists on her lap.]
Even so...it doesn't mean you should accept that its who you are. I won't accept it. If this place makes you a monster, it doesn't mean that's who you really are.
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...I don't want to hurt anyone.
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[She's silent for a moment.]
Doctor Su. Did I ever tell you what happened to me, that time that I disappeared with several of the others? Did I tell you?
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I killed Kumon's brother. I helped to kill Garou's mentor, and an old man Marceline knew. And then, I killed Kumon. I bashed in his head. And I didn't turn into anything. In the end, I was just me. Overwhelmed by emotions, out of control, but I was me.
[...]
So what does that make me, Su?
[Not an accusatory question. Just asking.]
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