countermeasures | chroma | catchall for hot pants

...I've been in that situation. Whatever happened...whoever you hurt...it wasn't real. This place made you do it.

[...]

It isn't you, Su.

...I tried very hard to kill them.

["tried"...]

I didn't succeed. But as a result, they have blood on their hands that they shouldn't have. No matter how it turned out, they were going to get hurt.

But... they were only defending themselves. I wasn't in my right mind at all.

[...She reaches for her now, but with a light, light touch to the back of the hand.]

You shouldn't blame yourself for that. And I understand...knowing that you should be stopped. I wish I was, in that place I went to. But it doesn't change...who you are.

You're not a monster.

[jiuqing looks at hot pants's hand on the back of hers, then up at her face.]

...it's what that place wanted me to be.

Its what it wanted. It's not who you are. You can't be blamed for that.

You were not the one who wanted to hurt the rest.

Miss Hot Pants, it...

[...]

I am being literal. It changed me, physically, into a monster.

[She remembers the wing nubs, and...closes her eyes.]

I'm sorry, Su. That must have been horrifying.

...

[her gaze stays on her hands.]

I can't help but wonder if it might happen again.

[Her eyes widen.]

...Why in the world would it happen again? Why do you think that?

This place has changed the way we think, and the way we act.

If I become a monster again tonight, and try to hurt someone...

[it IS a thursday, after all...]

[That's the horrible thing - she can't argue with that. It seems like anyone here could become a murderer. Anyone could be driven towards impulses. Anyone could turn into...that.]

[Her hands grip into fists on her lap.]

Even so...it doesn't mean you should accept that its who you are. I won't accept it. If this place makes you a monster, it doesn't mean that's who you really are.

It doesn't mean that's who I am, no. But if it makes me a monster, and someone dies for it, that person will still be dead.

...I don't want to hurt anyone.

...

[She's silent for a moment.]

Doctor Su. Did I ever tell you what happened to me, that time that I disappeared with several of the others? Did I tell you?

You didn't say, no. But... I did hear a little from others. Not many specifics.

[She's closing her eyes. A long pause.]

I killed Kumon's brother. I helped to kill Garou's mentor, and an old man Marceline knew. And then, I killed Kumon. I bashed in his head. And I didn't turn into anything. In the end, I was just me. Overwhelmed by emotions, out of control, but I was me.

[...]

So what does that make me, Su?

[Not an accusatory question. Just asking.]

...

[she looks up at hot pants.]

It makes you stronger than this place... because it has not been able to twist your mind since then.

...Do you think your mind will be twisted again after all of that? Is there a guarantee of that?

There's no guarantee it will...

But no guarantee it won't, either.

There's no guarantee for me, either. Tonight, I could go to sleep, and murder someone.

But even with that...I don't think you or I, for that matter, should fall back on the thought that its a guillotine over our heads waiting to happen. It can happen. But the thought shouldn't control you.

Edited 2022-03-12 02:01 (UTC)

...

[she nods]

Even so, I... Miss Hot Pants? Will you promise me something?

....

What is it, Su?

If ever it does look like I've hurt someone... whether it's tomorrow or in the future... please pursue it until the end.

In my right mind as I am now, I would never want to get away with it.

[She closes her eyes.]

[But there's no trace of hesitation when she says, seriously.]

I promise that. And... [Now a pause, looking at her.] Could you promise that for me, too?

Yes.

I promise you, I will.

Hm. Good.

[the pact has been SEALED]

I don't want anyone hesitating. Not now. Not ever.

(no subject)

countermeasures - 2022-03-12 05:39 (UTC) - Expand