countermeasures | chroma | catchall for vin

[oh. the embrace, for her, is unexpected - but she doesn't pull away, even if she tenses slightly in surprise. as she relaxes slightly, she's glad jiuqing can't see the look on her face. there's a little strain in her voice, though.]

...It is as I said. I am fairly sturdy.

Good.

[stay sturdy, please -

she almost says that, but then her foot brushes against the edge of the bubble, and they're thrust back into another memory.

it's one that haunts her, has guided each and every move she's made in daxing. sometimes, you put your trust in the wrong people, and you die a miserable death. but sometimes... there are second chances.]

[she opens her mouth to say something else, but - as the memory goes on, she reaches up towards her throat as if she can remove a piece of fabric that's not really there. she looks horrified after it finishes, and she's concerned enough that the pain in her side and what happened a moment ago is forgotten, even after jiuqing wakes up again in the end.]

You - what...?

[jiuqing is really starting to hate these bubbles.]

...I'm alive. It's alright.

...I do not know if I would say it is alright, even if you now live.

[she looks angry, but not at jiuqing.]

[well

jiuqing can't really argue with that, because she'd say the exact same thing if she'd seen this memory from someone else's point of view. she falls silent.]

I hope... You have found a way to prevent it from happening again.

...I have. It's why I became a doctor.

I knew they were going to poison my mother. And my skill with medicine makes me useful enough that they can't touch me, now. Even having left the Su family, I'm far beyond them.

...I am glad.

[but her expression still says that she's sorry it happened in the first place, at all.]

...it's a little strange.

[...]

I never told anyone in Daxing what had happened to me. Who would believe that I'd died and woken up in the past with all of my memories of my previous life? ...but... it feels good to be able to admit to you that it happened.

...It is difficult to keep things like that inside, even if it is unwise to confess them to others.

[she's glad jiuqing has someone to talk to about it as well. she shifts a little, thoughtful, not noticing as she brushes against the bubble before another memory starts.]

[You’re climbing up to the roof of a building. The mists are out tonight, thin tendrils that hang in the air around you. You can feel the cold against your skin, since you’re only wearing a white shift and a pair of white shorts. There’s a pain in your arm and on your face, two fresh wounds that have only been stitched minutes ago. You sit down on the roof, glancing down at the accumulation of ash that rests atop it. You feel - upset, somehow. Distraught, as though something horrible has just happened. Your first thoughts cement that as you cross your arms.

You should be angry at yourself. You’re the one who let them get close. Now they’re all going to leave you.

The ache in your chest won’t stop. You drop your head into your folded arms, tears starting to fall, as you hear the trapdoor to the roof opening nearby. You glance that way and see a blonde, middle aged man coming out to join you, and you immediately turn away to rub your hand over your eyes. You don’t want him to see that you’re crying. You don’t want him to see you like this at all. The newly stitched wound on your cheek stings as you try to rub at your eyes and accidentally touch it.

Kelsier doesn’t take a seat next to you - he stands, looking up at the mists. You keep silent at first, just looking at him with a sense of guilt for whatever happened before this. There’s the sense that you said something to him that he may not have deserved. Still, he breaks the silence soon.

“Watching the mists is comforting, isn’t it?” You only nod, saying nothing. “What is it I once told you? The mists protect you, they give you power… They hide you…” He glances your way after that, walking towards you and crouching down to offer you a cloak. “There are some things you can’t hide from, Vin. I know - I’ve tried.” You say nothing as you take the cloak, wrapping it around your shoulders, heart still aching. He continues on after a moment. “What happened tonight? What really happened?”

Your voice is thick when you respond. “Elend told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Ah,” Kelsier responds. “Was this before or after you killed his former fiance?”

“Before.” You answer.

“And you still protected him?”

With a nod, you sniffle, rubbing at your nose. “I know. I’m an idiot.”

“No more than the rest of us,” Kelsier says, following that with a sigh before he continues. “I loved Mare too, even after she betrayed me. Nothing could change how I felt.”

“And that’s why it hurts so much,” You agree, finally understanding something that he said to you long ago. You don’t stop loving people just because they betray you or leave you behind. But whoever Elend is, it’s not really him you’re thinking of as you say that - it’s something older, something that hasn’t really had the chance to heal. Something that you’ve tried to shove down as much as you could, springing to the surface.

“You don’t stop loving people just because they hurt you,” Kelsier agrees. “It would certainly make things easier if you did.”

Something about that - the simplicity of that statement, how true it is, how long you’ve tried to run from it… You sniffle again, tears welling up in your eyes anew, as something that you’ve been keeping inside for a long time finally spills out.

“I loved him, Kelsier,” You whisper.

“Elend?” He asks, but you shake your head.

“No, not Elend. Reen.” Your half brother. You have to take a breath before you continue. “He beat me over, and over, and over. He swore at me, he yelled at me, he told me he’d betray me. Every day, I thought about how much I hated him. And I loved him. I still do. It hurts so much to think that he’s gone, even though he always told me he would leave.”

“Oh, child…” Kelsier says, not hesitating another second before he pulls you close. “I’m sorry.” It’s warm, familial, but… You just keep going. It’s like you can’t stop. You haven’t said any of this to anyone, before. There’s never been anyone you trusted enough to tell this to. Through the tears, you whisper.

“Everyone leaves me. I can barely remember my mother. She tried to kill me, you know. She heard voices, in her head, and they made her kill my baby sister. She was probably going to kill me next, but Reen stopped her. Either way, she left me. After that, I clung to Reen. He left me too.” For the first time since this began, you look up at him, desperate. “When are you going to go? When will you leave me?”

He looks down at you, sorrowful, clearly hesitating. Choosing his words, maybe. “I… Vin, I don’t know. This job, the plan…”

You look towards him, wondering if he knows some danger that you don’t, but despite that… You trust him, He is strong and capable. No matter what the danger is, you think he will last through it. So you pull away, wiping at your eyes, already feeling self conscious for everything you just said as you sniffle again.

The memory ends.]

[oh, no.

this, somehow, seems more invasive to be seeing than the first memory - more personal, somehow. more raw. she can't imagine that it was easy for vin to admit feeling this way to the man in her memory, and she can't imagine that vin is fully comfortable with that vulnerability being laid bare in front of her now.

...

she takes her hands, though, when the memory comes to an end.

everyone leaves me.

that's haunting, because - isn't that their goal? to leave this place? to go back to where they'd come from? when that happens, they'll...]

Oh, Vin...

[the memory doesn't let go of her that easily. living through it again, seeing him so close and so real, feeling him reach out to hold her - while she's back in that moment, it's almost like...

it's only when jiuqing reaches out for her that she takes a shuddering breath, brought back to here and now. she blinks, looking down to where jiuqing holds her hands, a deep breath forcing itself into her lungs.]

It's... [for all she likes to downplay things like this, she can't quite bring herself to say it's fine. instead:] It was a long time ago.

[not the memory itself, but - the things she described in it.]

[she will not let go of vin's hands.]

...that doesn't make it hurt any less.

[some things still hurt no matter how much time passes. you carry them with you, always, until carrying that burden becomes as natural as breathing, and the thought of setting it down is entirely foreign.]

...Maybe not.

[but to her - acknowledging that pain doesn't change what has happened, or that she's certain that's it just going to happen again. she's mentioned it before, things like the people here are kind or they seem well meaning,
but even that has been an understatement. even if she's tried to pull back from caring or getting too invested, she's already failed, and in the end, she's sure that every face she's come to know here will fade to a memory.

still. after a moment, carefully neutral:]

But it is what happens.

[it shouldn't.

is there some way to get home, but to not lose touch with the people they've grown to care for here? jiuqing doesn't know. at this point, even making it home feels... not impossible, but also not something they'll be able to accomplish soon.

but if they can find some way to stay connected...]

Even so... [...] It's still...

[awful, to have to live in fear of the moment when people will leave you behind.]

[...]

I'm sorry you had to see it.

...I'm sorry you had to live it.

[that seems worse?]

I think I would rather live through that, than... what happened to you.

[it's not a competition and she knows that, but - she's still concerned about jiuqing.]

Vin, I promise, I'm fine. It was a long time ago, and... no one is going to be able to lay a finger on me like that ever again.

[this is before the fire effect so she doesn't even set the area around them on fire! nice.]

[jiuqing has always seemed very competent and put together to her, so she does believe her. can't wait for her to see the fires tomorrow and sweat. but for now:]

...See to it that they don't.

[she smiles]

They definitely will not.

[terrifying and valid!]

[ :) ]

chroma | catchall for vin

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cw: strangulation

Re: cw: strangulation

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1/2

cw: descriptions of child abuse, murder.

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