su jiuqing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 08:23 am
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 08:23 amchroma | catchall for vin
i haven't had coffee yet so this won't be pretty yet
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 08:23 am
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[her voice trails off a little, and she brings a hand up to brush her fingertips against her throat. for a moment, she seems on the verge of saying something, but then she shakes her head and continues on down the bookshelves, looking for poems.]
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...Is there something wrong?
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[thinking about poetry she recognizes made her think of home which gave her the weirdest urge to talk about her sad backstory?
unfortunately she's kind of cagey about that so she bites her lip and continues searching for poetry instead.]
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[she still sounds a little bit concerned, but she won't push further.]
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[she offers vin a book. yes, i know this is a website and not a book, but we're going to pretend everything in those links is contained in the pages.]
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Which is your favorite?
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[she looks over vin's shoulder to see which pages she's looking at.]
There's one I like about peach blossoms at a temple... ah, there!
[she reaches over to tap the page, then recites.]
"Across the world this June, the petals have all fallen,
But the mountain temple's peach blossom has just begun to bloom.
I regretted so much that spring had gone without a trace;
I didn't know that it had only moved up here."
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What do you take from it?
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Sometimes, it's inspiring. Even if you think you've lost something, it might not be gone for good. You might be able to find it somewhere else, if you look a little harder.
But sometimes it reminds me that good things can leave you and go to someone else.
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What do you think right now, then?
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Someone told me once that luck, or happiness, comes in waves, kind of. That if you've faced sorrow or adversity, it would mean that good things would come your way shortly. After everything that I've been through, I told him that would just make me worry that if something good happened to me, I would be scared the world would take it away soon.
[...ah. she pauses, blinking.]
I don't know why I... Never mind.
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...you didn't mean to share that, did you?
[a beat...]
Don't worry. I won't tell anyone... but I'm afraid I won't be able to forget I heard it, either.
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You... do not need to remember it. It is not important.
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[she pauses for a moment, awkward, but:]
I would not mind hearing about it, if you wanted.
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[on the one hand, she doesn't really want to talk about it. or rather - she doesn't know how to talk about it. in all the years since her life had started to get complicated, she'd never once explained any of it to anyone. she couldn't.
but there's that urge, to talk. to share. and vin has been easy for her to get along with. she'll understand, won't she...?
jiuqing's fingers brush against her throat again.]
...years ago, my aunt and cousin came to live with my father, my mother, and me. My mother was happy to see her sister again, and I was happy to meet my cousin. It felt like my family had gotten larger, and I trusted them so much.
But they... it wasn't what it seemed.
[...]
I treated Waner like she was my actual sister. I loved her like one. And it turned out that she was. [she bites her lip.] My father and my aunt had been having an affair all along. They'd plotted together and lied to my mother and me, so they could move in with us. And then they tried to get rid of us both. They...
[her voice trails off. her fingers linger at her throat for a moment, and then she drops her hand to her side.]
...they weren't to be trusted. So what you said... it reminded me of that. I thought they'd brought good things into my life, but they'd really only come to take away every good thing that I had.
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...It must have been painful. [in a way she can't really comprehend, given her complicated family dynamics.] I understand now why you told me you cut ties with him.
[the way jiuqing's hand moves to her neck for a moment doesn't escape vin's notice, but she doesn't comment on it directly.]
Was your mother alright?
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[betrayal.]
But she divorced him and moved out. She's doing much better now.
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Trusting someone and having that trust broken... Someone told me once that it is more difficult because it does not stop you from loving them.
[but, that being said...]
I am glad both of you were safe.
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That person sounds very wise.
...I'm glad we are, too. I'd do anything if it kept my mother safe.
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[moving on quickly from that.]
The two of you must be close, then. It is good you had each other.
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My mother is wonderful. I'm very lucky to have her.
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but she tilts her head. it makes her feel a little self conscious to ask, but:]
What is it like?
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[...it, she says, not she; jiuqing assumes that means she's asking what it's like to have a mother. she's quiet for a moment as she considers it.]
She doesn't always understand why I do the things I do, but... she supports me. I know I can go to her for anything, and she'll accept me the way I am. She doesn't try to change me, or make me feel like I should be better than I am, or anything like that.
Being able to see her face makes me feel like I'm at home, whether we actually are home or not.
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