countermeasures | chroma | catchall for vin

Of course.

...I'm glad to be able to do something to help.

[it's very weak, but she tries to smile.]

I imagine so.

[she's that kind of person.]

[she smiles back at her. it's a faint smile that doesn't entirely reach her eyes, because - well, this whole situation sucks. but it's there.]

...is there anything else that I can help you with, Vin?

[she shakes her head, but:]

You do not need to leave, if you do not want to.

[a request phrased as an offer.]

I'd like to stay.

[there had been a bit of tension in her - but it eases, at vin's disguised request.]

I don't want to leave you.

...Thank you.

[silence, for a few moments.]

May I ask you something?

Of course. You can ask me anything.

[on one hand, she hardly feels like it matters anymore, but - she'll wonder, if she doesn't ask.]

He really didn't say anything to you, on Monday?

[ah.

vin will feel a flash of guilt, which will probably make her answer obvious even before she gives it.]

It's true that... based on our conversation, there didn't seem to be anything physically wrong with him.

[...]

But I asked him if he liked you. And - he said that he did, but the way he was feeling, and the reasons he gave me to not tell you... in my experience, pushing someone to say something when it's like that does not help. I was hoping to be able to help him be ready to tell you in his own time.

[...but atsushi's time ran out.]

Edited 2022-03-21 01:13 (UTC)

[there's a flash of anger, instinctive, though it's more at the fact that she was lied to than the specifics of the situation. after a moment, tightly:]

...What reasons?

[that's valid.]

He said that he didn't want you to "settle" for him, that you deserved more than he had to offer, and that he didn't want you to be put into a difficult position just because he liked you. The way he felt when he said that... it was obvious he actually believed it. I wasn't able to change his mind at all.

[her vibes are sad. it's heartbreaking, that he really thought of himself that way.]

...pushing someone to confess when they feel that way about themselves tends to result in them stubbornly refusing to say anything at all. I wanted him to be able to tell you of his own accord, and to be willing to accept your answer, instead of...

[being rude about himself...]

[well - her vibes shift from anger to sadness, and she closes her eyes for a moment.]

I hope that... if he said something, it was because his opinion changed.

[though she suspects it was only because he was running out of time.]

...I think that it must have. He was adamant that he didn't want to say anything, at the beginning of the week.

[but... her vibes shift to a little hopeful.]

...I'm hoping that being able to feel how you and others care for him... would have helped get through to him, and given him the courage to tell you how he felt.

...It would be nice if that were true.

[though it wouldn't change the end result, either, but - the idea that he at least knew that he mattered to the people around him before the end... it's better than the alternative.]

I think it was. It's... easy to disbelieve someone's words, but...

Not so easy to disbelieve someone's feelings, when you can feel them yourself.

[so. she would really, really like to believe that atsushi was able to know just how much he was cared for.]

...Then I will hope that he benefited from this week, at least.

[along with the sorrow, there's a worry and a fondness as she says that.]

I'll hope for that as well.

[if even one good thing can come from this week and its effect...]

[it's quiet, but:]

He deserved it.

He did. He was... very kind to other people, but he was not very kind to himself.

So... I hope others treated him kindly in return, and that he was able to learn to see himself the way we do.

[she nods. her vibes are Bad, but:]

I think - I hope he was the kind of person anyone would have trouble being cruel to. But I know that was not always his experience, where he came from. [...] This place itself is cruel, but I have to believe that the people here have been kinder to him than what he's known.

...

[she reaches for vin's hand to give it a gentle squeeze]

I know he's been experiencing more kindness than he knew before. He had you at his side, after all.

...He should have had more.

[in the end, despite the reasoning she had, despite the fact that there wasn't any option that would have saved him - it doesn't change that she put a dagger in his chest.]

...

[yeah, no. vin is getting a hug.]

[her eyes are getting a little wet again, but she's trying very hard to keep both the tears and the bad vibes at bay. it is not quite working.]

[vin :c

jiuqing's heart breaks for her when she feels her trying to stifle the bad vibes. there's a protectiveness in her own feelings, and sympathy, and love - the type you'd feel for family. a good family, that is.

(i feel the need to specify because there is like only one member of her birth family that doesn't suck.)]

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