su jiuqing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 04:11 pm
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 04:11 pmchroma | catchall for ruby rose
i'll find cute visuals for this later
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 04:11 pm
no subject
[ruby is so sweet.
but that's the thing. jiuqing has hurt people on purpose. not directly - not the way she had in this adventure - but many of the actions she had taken to protect herself, back home, had resulted in people getting hurt.
and not just as an unintended consequence, either.]
I didn't want to hurt her. But I did, and that's a fact. I couldn't stop myself. [...] What if it happens again? Tonight? What if I... if I find myself awake and...
no subject
You didn't want to hurt her, something else did. That in and of itself is proof that you tried to fight it, regardless of what compelled you to do it.
[ her heart breaks for jiuqing, it really does, because she's seen what this place can do to people. they've all seen it. even on her own adventure she ended up hurting another person, though not as severe as this...it still fills her with guilt. ]
And if you happen to find yourself in that position, again...then you fight it. You fight with every ounce of energy you have, until it's impossible to fight anymore. [ she'll gently take her hand ]
Nobody here has ever meant to hurt another person, they've all gone down swinging, to the bitter end. Because they know it isn't them...
[ she thinks of chang geng and percy, red and pink petals coming up. she turns away to cough them up, pocketing the petals. ]
no subject
[she lets ruby take her hand, and gives it a very gentle squeeze.]
Ruby, you...
[you're too kind.
logically, jiuqing knows she would say these exact same things to anyone else, if their situations were reversed. it's just - a little harder to accept when it's herself. she's made it her goal here to try and keep as many people alive and healthy and well as possible, and hurting someone like this...
it goes against that directly.
she looks to ruby with concern when she coughs up those pink and red petals.]
...if there's - something else on your mind, you can say it, you know...
no subject
We've seen it a lot, the ones who wake up after curfew...they try to wait it out or fend each other off as long as they can.
[ closes her eyes and takes a breath, sighing. ]
Marie and Buzen did...Percy and Chang Geng...and I'm sure the others as well. It's a scary thing to have to face, for both parties involved. [ looks at jiuqing, expression soft again. ]
I know you'd do the same, even if the other person insisted on just getting it over with, you'd do your best to fight the compulsion.
[ me like, i want to add more to this but my brain is soup ]
no subject
...I would try to, that's true.
[her voice is small.]
I don't want to hurt anyone. And if I do end up succumbing, I would want someone to stop me, or to catch me.