su jiuqing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 01:39 pm
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 01:39 pmchroma | catchall for kashuu kiyomitsu
sighs in visualosities
countermeasures) wrote2022-02-13 01:39 pm
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[she closes her eyes.
it would have been nice, she thinks - to not have to hurt anyone else. but it stings, too. it hits a little too close to what they'd heard, near the end.
for you, I would have granted the gentlest end...]
I would have fought you. [...] I just don't know how to give up.
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[He thinks it's pretty natural, for living things to want to avoid their end and for once-living things to still have that imprint in it somewhere. Isn't that why they're all here? Because no matter what options they'd chosen and what paths they had taken, in the end, eventually - surely, even with Jiuqing, though he doesn't know the journey she'd been on - they ended up at the same conclusion.
To live is misery, but it's a misery they accept.]
...I'm sorry you had to go through it like that, though. All of it.
[Alone, or seemingly alone, unless she had her own Real Vax...]
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I'm sorry that you did, too.
[it's too much. how long is this going to go on? someone will be dying tonight - at least one. probably two, if the way it's been the last few weeks holds true. who will they lose? how many people will be traumatized by the trial and the ensuing execution?
who will have to go through and experience like theirs next week? the week after that? and the week after that?
how long can they keep doing this?]
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Week after week after week, nothing significant changes. They only lose more - more people, to refraction. To murder. To execution. These stupid adventures wear on people too, even if no one has carried a death over just yet. It's like everything is designed with laser precision to wear on them, to grind them down, to force them to the bottommost pits of misery.
They're largely stubborn people who don't know when to quit, but everyone has their limits.]
...Feels hopeless sometimes, huh.
[He had pulled enough of himself together to overcome his own despair at the end of it all, just hours ago. But even he can admit that it's hard, to be constantly treading water and just barely keeping your nose above the surface.]
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Yes.
[her voice is tiny.]
But that's why we need each other. Even if something is hopeless alone, we can still...
[...they can support each other, help keep each others' heads above water. but it's dangerous, too, because the people you care for the most are the ones it hurts the most to lose -
and they will be losing each other.
when they go to sleep tonight, they'll lose someone. when they wake up, they'll find out who it is.]
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He closes his eyes for a moment, thinking about the loss that looms ahead. Thinking about the way this, too, becomes little more than a pattern to predict and expect. Death as a given, in such a punctual way, is so far from natural that it makes his skin crawl.]
...We can still keep each other going. It's gonna suck, though. It's only gonna get harder and harder.
[But he doesn't say it with the tone of someone who's going to give up. Just - with the simple, stinging acceptance that this is the reality they face. Together, for as long as they can stand together as they are now.]
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[she nods]
It will get harder and harder, but we can't... we won't... let that beat us. [a beat.] We didn't before.
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Yeah, we didn't. I'm expecting us to keep going until the end.
[Whatever that end might be.]
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I am, too. There's... we just have to keep going.
[there's no alternative, really. they're too stubborn to lay down and wait for death to claim them.]
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...Yep. No other option, right?
[They have to complete the mission or die trying, huh. Kind of funny, considering the entire mission is to get everyone out of here alive.
After a beat:] --So you know, no matter how things go here... I'm really glad that I got to meet you, Jiuqing.
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as long as they don't give up on their mission, they'll never have to see it failed. if they keep working at it until their dying breaths—
even then, they won't see the failure. they'll be gone.]
...I'm glad I was able to meet you, too, Kashuu.
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He turns to the side a little, coughing a few petals into his hand, which he'll just put into his pocket.]
Mm. ...I'm glad there are some things this place can't take away.
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and fuck the terrifying ordeal of being known, so.]
No matter what it does to us, we'll always have this.
[...well it could take their memories but she's not acknowledging that. she refuses to.]
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He's also thinking about the possibility of memory loss but he too is refusing to perceive it.]
Mm. ...Lemme know if you need anything, okay? If it's anything I can do.
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[she nods]
Likewise, if there's anything I can do for you... anything at all...
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Mm, I will. ...I think-- for now, just. Resting a little is all I need.
[Just a little bit of recovery before ITSUKI GOES AND DIES.]
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[she nods]
...then let's rest, and be ready for tomorrow.