[.......And something seems to break free of the seas of emotion here...disappointment, but directed inwards, shame in the form of needles piercing inside.]
[She grimaces, more irritated by that than anything.]
There's nothing to worry about besides everything else. This week has been hell. We need to focus on getting everyone out of this mess. I'm sick of it all, Su.
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Why?
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[she can feel how fuckin numb she is!! hello!!]
If you really don't think this is as alright as you'll ever be - if you really don't think you'll ever feel any better than this - that's concerning!
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I'm...I'm sorry.
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[she gives her arm a gentle squeeze.]
...but this isn't as alright as you'll ever be, Miss Hot Pants. It will get better.
[underneath the calm, jiuqing's feelings are a very set determination.]
That's a promise.
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[A shake of the head.]
Will it? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better?
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[...]
I have a question to ask you. It may be an uncomfortable one.
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No. I didn't kill him, Su.
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I'd like to believe that. And I'm not asking you simply to make an accusation, I'm just... worried.
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[She grimaces, more irritated by that than anything.]
There's nothing to worry about besides everything else. This week has been hell. We need to focus on getting everyone out of this mess. I'm sick of it all, Su.
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[and it's why she can't quite let her suspicions go.]
...regardless, what I said before stands. This is not as alright as you'll ever feel. I won't accept that.
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[The irritation falls, replaced by exhaustion, acceptance, but also just....vulnerability. Like she's bleeding out, and she knows it.]
I feel like I've been run over. Of course it isn't alright as I'll ever feel. I'm holding on by a thread.
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[she reaches for her hand]
Then let me stay here with you. You don't have to hold on by a thread alone.
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Am I a selfish person, Su?
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[she squeezes her hand gently.]
But being selfish does not make you a bad person.
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Maybe, but...I don't want to be anyone's burden.
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You're no burden, Miss Hot Pants.
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You're not saying that to be nice, are you?
[But she's saying that more casually, without any bite.]
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[she puffs her cheeks out at her.]
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[She's poking one of those cheeks.]
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???]
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[jiuqing please.]
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