I didn't think I did... they said I didn't look Ishgardian, so that I must be a heretic. They didn't listen to me at all when I tried to talk to them...
[bad.]
...but, I got lucky. Before they could hurt me too badly, a woman named Ysayle stepped in and helped me.
If this is particularly real, you ran into an especially stupid group, or the memories took some liberties.
[ Both sound equally possible. Sometimes, Ishgardian soldiers dumb, indoctrinated, and eager to just get their promotions.
He's just dragging the shit out of these theoretical soldiers though when Jiuqing mentions the name, and this may be the closest to flinching that anyone has ever seen Estinien do. ]
They seemed pretty stupid to me. I healed one of them after they got attacked, thinking something else was going on, and they immediately tried to kill me again.
[SO rude.
...she looks concerned at that almost-flinch, though.]
...yes, I did. She helped me, and... allowed me to accompany her to Dravania. She said that the dragons might be able to find my way back to where I belonged, if anything could.
[she thought he must have, since it was drawn on... aymeric's memories? his memories? she saw them both there, so honestly, she's really not sure.]
I wonder if she and I would have gotten along in reality, or if whatever caused that adventure simply made it so that she would help me regardless because it wanted me somewhere specific and it was easiest to have her lead...
Aye. Not well, when she was alive. The lessons she taught me only sank in afterwards.
[ Somber and calm, voice even. ]
Lady Iceheart, the leader of the heretics, she who dreamt a dream of an age far past when dragon and man lived in peace, held upon her faith in Saint Shiva and the Saint's lover, great wyrm Hraesvelgr.
Everything opposite of me, who only held onto life to fulfill my single goal of slaying Nidhogg, the terrible wyrm, Hraesvelgr's broodbrother.
She gave her life so that we may stop the war.
[ So, yeah. She would most definitely have helped Jiuqing. Ysayle isn't even here for real but this particular lesbian pair would be an honest dream.............. ]
They said that if we passed them, they would give us something that might help us save people in Ishgard, where there was an attack...? ...so we agreed to take them.
...it wasn't your fault; you have nothing to apologize for.
[...]
I lost track of how many times it happened. It was like it - wanted me to say that loving my mother wasn't worth the pain of losing her. But that just wasn't true. Eventually, it... showed me something else. And another thing, and another...
[she shudders]
I know it wasn't real. It involved things that had already happened, but - differently from the way they did. And it involved people who were already gone.
Like being forced to participate in a neverending nightmare, was it?
Full glad I am that you hung on, despite it.
[ Genuine. There isn't that much like, strong emotion or so behind it but Jiuqing will just be able to tell that it goes a bit deeper than his usual statements.
Hanging on is hard. Justifying your love is hard. Telling yourself it's alright to live and love and be loved is hard. But sometimes, it really is worth it. ]
And if you won't spend the rest of the time in the pods tonight, then tomorrow or some else.
[ Looking at her expectantly, bandaging herself up like that. Still respecting her space because it sounds like he'd be the worst person to help her right now. ]
They won't be working tomorrow, but... as soon as things are done on Saturday.
[...she looks down.]
I suppose I ought to tell you - in case anything happens to me tonight, so you're prepared... [she is not going to die tonight, he is. she doesn't know that. but she indicates her left shoulder.] This injury - I think it will match your lance.
Okay, it all makes sense now. He looks away, a slight scowl on his face, the misfortune -- the bell of reminder continuing to ring like a ghost that haunts him and won't die. Ever more malevolently so. Nidhogg has never left him, always been at the corner of his mind, though the mocking turns, the begging to let him in have subsided in favour of a mere fellow presence, driving determination.
This place practically yearns to throw them back into their old, toxic days, and honestly, Estinien is having enough of it. He's tired. ]
Then, if it happens to be of suspicion, I trust you'll clear my name. At least, for that.
[ If his lance cuts show up on anyone else, that's a different problem. ]
Or otherwise, I pray you had someone else look over your injuries.
[ You know, on the off-chance Jiuqing dies (narrator voice: she did not), and it's Estinien Scapegoat Danger... 2. ]
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[so that was cool.]
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Animals, the lot of them...
[ Roasts the Temple Knights and their fanatics casually. They all suck. ]
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[bad.]
...but, I got lucky. Before they could hurt me too badly, a woman named Ysayle stepped in and helped me.
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[ Both sound equally possible. Sometimes, Ishgardian soldiers dumb, indoctrinated, and eager to just get their promotions.
He's just dragging the shit out of these theoretical soldiers though when Jiuqing mentions the name, and this may be the closest to flinching that anyone has ever seen Estinien do. ]
You saw her?
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[SO rude.
...she looks concerned at that almost-flinch, though.]
...yes, I did. She helped me, and... allowed me to accompany her to Dravania. She said that the dragons might be able to find my way back to where I belonged, if anything could.
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[ Tbh. Just volunteers this. But anyway, he sighs. ]
Sounds like her. Always hopeful and a dreamer for the best solutions, as impossible as any of them seemed.
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[she thought he must have, since it was drawn on... aymeric's memories? his memories? she saw them both there, so honestly, she's really not sure.]
I wonder if she and I would have gotten along in reality, or if whatever caused that adventure simply made it so that she would help me regardless because it wanted me somewhere specific and it was easiest to have her lead...
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[ Somber and calm, voice even. ]
Lady Iceheart, the leader of the heretics, she who dreamt a dream of an age far past when dragon and man lived in peace, held upon her faith in Saint Shiva and the Saint's lover, great wyrm Hraesvelgr.
Everything opposite of me, who only held onto life to fulfill my single goal of slaying Nidhogg, the terrible wyrm, Hraesvelgr's broodbrother.
She gave her life so that we may stop the war.
[ So, yeah. She would most definitely have helped Jiuqing. Ysayle isn't even here for real but this particular lesbian pair would be an honest dream.............. ]
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oh, no.
jiuqing brings a hand up to her mouth to cover a gasp.]
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It's fine. We weren't particularly close.
[ As he coughs up an ice blue lily flower, grimacing. Reminiscent. In his defense, it's a truth and a lie at the same time.
They weren't close while she was alive. But nowadays -- well, his armour is named Iceheart.
Me: hahas in dying in the ice cold with his Iceheart armour, betrayed by a feathered person he was close to using a yellow eye damn... ]
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...even so... she seemed like a remarkable person.
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Aye, she was.
[ Clearing his throat, annoyed at this shit. God. ]
I'm glad you had her help.
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Yes, I was lucky. She took me to see the dragons, and... they had... trials for us...
[her voice trails off and she looks down at her hands]
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...Trials?
[ He doesn't remember THIS happening, wtf? ]
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They said that if we passed them, they would give us something that might help us save people in Ishgard, where there was an attack...? ...so we agreed to take them.
[...]
It wasn't... what I was expecting at all.
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This is unfamiliar to me.
[ JIUQING FINALLY COMING THROUGH BY BREAKING THE ILLUSION THAT ESTINIEN HAS BEEN CYOA-BULLIED TWICE Kashuu unknowingly gaslighted him. ]
What happened?
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It was... a lot of things. First, I had to watch my mother die, over and over again, and a voice kept asking if it was... worth it.
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Er... I'm... I'm sorry you had to go through that. [ Yikes pronounced like Nikes. ]
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[...]
I lost track of how many times it happened. It was like it - wanted me to say that loving my mother wasn't worth the pain of losing her. But that just wasn't true. Eventually, it... showed me something else. And another thing, and another...
[she shudders]
I know it wasn't real. It involved things that had already happened, but - differently from the way they did. And it involved people who were already gone.
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Full glad I am that you hung on, despite it.
[ Genuine. There isn't that much like, strong emotion or so behind it but Jiuqing will just be able to tell that it goes a bit deeper than his usual statements.
Hanging on is hard. Justifying your love is hard. Telling yourself it's alright to live and love and be loved is hard. But sometimes, it really is worth it. ]
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...it's over now. And none of it was real, so - it will just be a bad memory.
Once I'm fully healed, I'm sure I'll have an easier time getting over it.
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And if you won't spend the rest of the time in the pods tonight, then tomorrow or some else.
[ Looking at her expectantly, bandaging herself up like that. Still respecting her space because it sounds like he'd be the worst person to help her right now. ]
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[...she looks down.]
I suppose I ought to tell you - in case anything happens to me tonight, so you're prepared... [she is not going to die tonight, he is. she doesn't know that. but she indicates her left shoulder.] This injury - I think it will match your lance.
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Okay, it all makes sense now. He looks away, a slight scowl on his face, the misfortune -- the bell of reminder continuing to ring like a ghost that haunts him and won't die. Ever more malevolently so. Nidhogg has never left him, always been at the corner of his mind, though the mocking turns, the begging to let him in have subsided in favour of a mere fellow presence, driving determination.
This place practically yearns to throw them back into their old, toxic days, and honestly, Estinien is having enough of it. He's tired. ]
Then, if it happens to be of suspicion, I trust you'll clear my name. At least, for that.
[ If his lance cuts show up on anyone else, that's a different problem. ]
Or otherwise, I pray you had someone else look over your injuries.
[ You know, on the off-chance Jiuqing dies (narrator voice: she did not), and it's Estinien Scapegoat Danger... 2. ]
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